When board member Cynthia Dunbar made her opinion (as stated here) about our President-elect well-known, I decided to do a little research. Within five minutes of Internet searching, I found many sites that attempted to debunk what our fine Republican board member is trying to warn us about. Unfortunately, they are all sites (like snopes.com and factcheck.org) that are well-known leftist fronts.
Yes, dear board members, I agree with Ms. Dunbar -- the Commies and the Terrorists are in league and they are a real and credible threat to Democracy all over the world, including the United States. Never mind that their ideologies are diametrically opposed. The enemy of my enemy and all that... All I can say is bravo, Ms. Dunbar. You're exactly the type of person I want re-writing the curriculum that my kids will be spending the next 6 and 8 years respectively being indoctrinated in.
In fact, I will gladly trade in my own freedom of religion for Ms. Dunbar's freedom of speech. I don't need to be free to decide on my own and for myself what to believe, and neither do my children. It's high time I left this areligioius life behind and toed the line like the good Christian boy I was raised to be, so I will gladly trade my right to worship or not worship as I see fit for Ms. Dunbar's freedom of speech and the safer world it promises. Heaven forbid we actually elect a dreaded Muslim, Pagan, or Jew to high office in this country, let alone someone who doesn't look like a good and respectable Christian Caucasian.
Let's start simple with the curriculum re-write, though. Let's make The Holy Bible the only mandatory scientific, historical, and literary education. Then we can eliminate computers from every school building (after all, computers are the gateway to the Evil Internet that is home to the blatantly leftist sites mentioned above). Finally, we'll need to make sure that every teacher in every school in the great state of Texas is a good and proper Christian, as they should be. We will start a new renaissance of thought and morality right here in Texas by teaching our children new vocations, as well.
Once we've taught enough of our children the proper ways of doing things, we can ban abortion and birth control and make homosexuality illegal. I'd gladly give up my right to peaceably assemble if it would free us from the scourge of un-Christian behavior that's running rampant in this country. Putting things back in their natural order should have the added benefit of opening up further avenues of employment for our children, as well.
And once they've wiped all the freaks out, there's always the Catholics and the Mormons and many other sloppier sects of Christianity that we just can't possibly agree with, so our vast corps of inquisitors will certainly have their work cut out for them. At least we'll have the comfort of knowing that our descendants will be secure from the terrorist and communist threats and well provided for in the coming generations. We can even hold the trials in secret, never let them face their accuser, and by no means will we ever have to allow them to refute the evidence gathered against them. After all, if they don't believe what we do, they don't deserve the same rights we enjoy.
Now I know no real Texan would willingly give up their right to bear arms, so let's make sure that every good Christian citizen is armed with the latest in firearms technology. Might I humbly suggest the Steyr AUG or the G-36 (yes, I know they're not made in America... yet). After all, we do need a physical education requirement for our new school curriculum, and what better way to get exercise than running obstacle courses promptly followed by using expanding gasses created by flammable materials as they explode to hurl smallish lead projectiles down a twisted barrel in order to put a proper spin on the bullet so that it remains accurate at long ranges...
And to follow that up, we'll add a whole new health curriculum, as well. We won't need doctors and nurses anymore, because our faith will heal us and it only stands to reason that only the immoral and impure will get sick in the first place. So there's no real need for any talk about hygene or any other facet of our anatomy that might actually indicate that we are anything other than God's creatures. No one really needs the benefits of scientific research unless it supports and enhances our belief in God.
With all the teachers and scientists in line, our good and proper Christian citizens will start to feel that most of the work has been done. Far from it. The threats will only be hiding deeper to avoid our latest crop of new inquisitors and we will have to strip away everyone's protection from unreasonable searches and seizures in order to root them out. Of course, this will be perfectly okay, because we are doing God's work, after all.
It's a really simple plan. All we need is for someone like Ms. Dunbar to step up and take a leadership role in the creation of the new curriculum for our school children here in Texas.
John C. Leonard
Future Citizen of the Fundamentalist Union of Christian Klan and Evangelical Dictators
P.S.: Since no one higher up in the Republican Party here in Texas (or anywhere else, for that matter) has condemned and/or contradicted Ms. Dunbar's opinion, one can assume Ms. Dunbar has the whole-hearted support of the rest of the elected members of the Republican party here in Texas, and it would be positively un-American of me to possibly disagree with the opinions of so many of the world's most savvy politicians (because, you know, this is Texas, and the rest of the world, well, it's just waiting to be annexed into our fine nation... er, I mean our fine state).
P.P.S.: The Constitution of the United States does guarantee Ms. Dunbar her freedom of speech, after all, and it doesn't say one word about using it responsibly. Then again, maybe the Founding Fathers thought that would be self-evident. Let's just hope Ms. Dunbar forgets to stand away from the door the next time she runs into a crowded theater and yells "Fire!".